Why Men sabotage a Good Relationship
Men can be very difficult to understand. Wait, isn’t that the same thing Men say about Women? Yes it is. I guess both Men and Women struggle with understanding each other.
The challenge here is not so much in understanding why each Gender behaves the way they do, rather, accepting the person as they are with all they bring to the table. Each gender lives in their own world, with their own expectations, beliefs and desires, at times failing to be honest with the other, building a relationship on shaky grounds. Hopefully, in time, getting to learn one of the most important lessons, that, in order to resolve any conflict, honesty with self and clear communication is required.
That is on a general note. Let’s get back to the original question posed: why a man might sabotage a good relationship? Or is it good at all as far as he sees it? Furthermore, what can the woman involved do about it?
As mentioned earlier, both men and women, have different perspectives. They see things from a different lens. They can’t help themselves. The male energy and female energy are opposites, yet together complimenting each other. It requires a lot of wisdom, maturity, patience, determination, compassion and most of all selfless love, in order to relate to the other and work with them genuinely.
Yet, there are times when a man will destroy a relationship at the slightest difference or at the first conflict arising. What does it say about the relationship? What does it indicate about the man?
Perhaps it’s a compatibility issue. That’s quite common. Nowadays, there is a lot of mix couples. Mixing two people from different backgrounds, cultures, religions, social status, educational background, age group and life experience on the whole. These are some factors to consider as potential issues in a relationship. These differences require a whole lot of communication, wisdom and maturity in order to have a successful relationship. It is not impossible, yet it will have its challenges.
A man might not be up to handle those challenges arising and decide to give up and call it quits. Consequently, he sabotages the relationship, alienates the woman he claimed to love so dearly, choosing to run instead of look for solutions. Are the differences between the couple the cause, or is it the man’s inability to withstand and deal? Does that mean he is weak? Does it mean he is fearful? Is he focused on the problem too much that he became blinded to all the good and unknowingly destroying his happiness?
Isn’t it all about making choices in the end? If a man chooses to run, walk away, escape or whatever you want to call it - then that’s his choice. It’s the journey he is choosing, whether he is making the right choice or the wrong one. Whether he is self-sabotaging. Whether he is making things more difficult unnecessarily.
No one can ever make him see what he is not ready to see. No one can make him ready if he is not. No one can make him get over his fears if he is so stuck in them. No one can change his unhealthy patterns, destructive habits or crippling coping mechanism if he is holding on to them with dear life. Even if he claims he wants to be different. In the end, his actions, speak louder than any promises and any proclamations he ever makes. A man might end up sabotaging a really good relationship and there is nothing, the woman who loves him, can do anything about it.
That sounds pretty sad, isn’t it? Indeed, it may be so. What’s sadder, if the woman loses herself in the attachment to this man and this relationship she desperately wants to save, that she forgets to be true to herself and her worth. If a man is unsure he wants to work at the relationship or finding it too hard, or questioning its worth, don’t beg him, run after him, do more to convince him, or sell yourself short. If he already doesn’t see your value on his own, if he gives up and has the heart to call it quits, not only are you wasting your time and energy, you are also reducing your worth. If he did it once, he will do it again at the next issue that arises.
It’s a choice you now need to make. Don’t wait for him to decide if you will stay together. It’s either a mutual agreement based on a mature discussion - even if it is painful - or you make the decision and put an end to having yourself unvalued. An undecided man about whether he wants to work at a relationship with a woman is an insult to the woman. And vice versa. It is an indirect way of saying: “I didn’t really mean all those things I said about wanting to be with you forever and how much I love you and all.” Because when times got tough, it all changed. That’s the truth.
