Do you believe in Second Chances?
Do you believe in second chances? Or is there a limit on how many chances we get to do something over? Better yet, how many chances are you comfortable giving to the same person who hurt you? Do you apply the same theory of ‘second chance’ towards others as you would for yourself? Have you been given a second chance at something then lost it again? Have you given a second and third chance for someone to do better but ended up letting you down? When do you say: “enough is enough - no more chances?”
Second chance is a big topic. There are various point of views regarding the subject. The context is also a factor. The answer may differ depending on the context. Let’s explore a few.
On a general note, our lives are a true testament of a constant do over. We are in a continuous motion of falling and rising. We get chance after chance each day to be better and do better. The chances we have are indeed limitless, as long as we keep on breathing.
We feel we deserve to get a second chance to do things right the second time around. But then we test our limits by pushing for the third, fourth, fifth to infinitum. As it might be necessary in the case of our personal growth. The person whom you are asking for another chance is in fact yourself.
Some instances, however, we forfeit that right. When we are taking advantage and demanding for chances while we continue hurting and abusing others in hopes we might do better next time. As if people’s lives are a laboratory for experimenting with new formulas. Isn’t that a little bit selfish? And perhaps plagued with a feeling of entitlement. Believing that people owe us second and third chances. Why must they do so? It’s a choice. Not an obligation.
Similarly, when people treat us badly, at times in a harmful way, we must assert our boundaries and set an example for not tolerating what need not be tolerated. You may give a second chance for someone to correct their behaviour, but when they fail the second time around, there need not be a third. For in the third or more times to follow, it is a violation to your self-worth. There is no other way to interpret such a matter.
And it is not the point of whether the individual is deserving of more chances or not. It’s not even about other people anymore. It’s about how much you respect and love yourself. It’s about showing yourself courtesy. If you are unable to draw the line and reclaim your worth after being treated poorly, how can you expect others to respect you the way you deserve to be respected?
Second chances are not for everyone and not for every situation. Sometimes, being burnt from the first time is enough. Unfortunately, some of us are trying to see the best in people and are so hopeful in redemption to our own detriment.
Some people are not redeemable. Learn to differentiate between those who have the potential to correct their ‘wrongs’ in the second chance versus those who are taking advantage of your kindness and warm heart, having no intention to change. Rather pushing for third, fourth, fifth and however many chances they can manage to get out of you. Because in the end, they have no respect for you no matter what they claim.
The one responsible for this abuse will not solely be the abuser. The higher responsibility will lie in the hands of the one who allowed the abuser to continue the abuse. Not until, you take a stand and say “enough is enough”, will you find peace in your life.
If you were fooled the first time, shame on them. If you were fooled the second time, shame on you. If you allowed it the third time, what more can I say, other than maybe you are struggling with a much deeper issue that needs healing. Perhaps it’s time you realize you are addicted to being fooled and treated poorly. You have gotten so used to being abused that it becomes all you know. So you keep going back to it. The day you walk away from it all and don’t entertain second and third chances, is the first day of your new life of being healed and ready for the next stage in your life.
Don’t let someone manipulate you or bully you in giving them a chance for them to abuse you again for the tenth time. Don’t allow sick people to have a hold over you when in reality, no one ever can unless you hand it over to them. Take back your power. Don’t fall for the act. Don’t give in to your kind heart to forgive and enable the abuser to continue their abuse. Say NO. And stick by it. No more chances. It ends here.
On the other hand, some second chances have worked out beautifully and unexpectedly. All you needed to do was to allow. You can get a second chance at love or with someone you thought it was all done. A second chance to get that job you wanted years ago. A second chance for a friendship to evolve after a fallout. A second chance to connect with your parents, your sibling, your child. A second chance to live a life you dreamed of but was too afraid to take risks or any kind of action. A second chance to create a new life being authentic and true to yourself, without having to please everyone around you.
Second chances are always around the corner. Are you going to take them? Are you going to create them? Are you going to welcome them? Or are you going to be scared it might not work out AGAIN? Are you going to stay in your safe zone? Or are you going to take that leap of faith and jump? Are you ready for what’s to come? Are you ready for the unknown to turn your life around? Are you ready to take on that second or third or whatever number chance you now have to live the best life that patiently awaits you?
