Married to a Narcissist? Want to know what will happen to you?

Are you discovering that you married a narcissist? May God save you!!

I suggest you read through to the end to find out why staying in a marriage with a Narcissist is not just a bad idea, but a danger to your life. This article is dedicated to all the women who are stuck in a Narcissistic Marriage.

I wouldn’t be surprised if you are still physically living under the same roof, you are justifying a lot of the bad behaviour, trying to be patient, thinking one day he will change, or counting on therapy to make a miracle happen.

You are probably sitting and recalling all the love you shared.

All the romantic moments you lived.

All the sweet things he did for you, bought for you.

All the memories you share.

All the pictures you have of all the times you were together.

All the years you spent and invested in this relationship.

You can’t just throw it all away … No - you have to throw more away because all those years were not enough. Let’s get tortured some more then. Let’s destroy whatever sanity we have left. How about that?

Essentially, that is what you are exactly doing. And I am not exaggerating. It is what you are literally doing to yourself by staying with your narcissistic husband, who will never change, and actually never truly loved you because he does not know the meaning of love at all.

Let me describe to you what happens behind those closed doors, that you think no one else knows about. And no, I was not a fly on your wall, I just know exactly what life with a Narcissist looks like, because I have been there too.

So this is what conversations look like in your house: You are simply talking and expressing your opinion, maybe even raising a point about not liking something your husband did or said and here is what happens next:

He will shoot you with some word salad - hoping it will confuse the hell out of you. Directing the conversation all over the place.

The intention is for you to lose your point or forget whatever you started addressing.

He will push your buttons on a subject he knows very well is sensitive to you - so naturally - as always - you react.

The moment you do. That’s it. He got you where he wants you. All wound up and triggered. And now the attention is off him and onto you as you defend yourself or correct the fabricated story.

Unless you have kept quiet during the word salad attempt and then calmly repeated the original concern. It will be hard to stay calm. I tell you that.

He will boil your blood. It takes a miracle to keep your cool in such conversations.. more like pointless arguments that never get resolved.

He never takes responsibility or admits fault or say a genuine “sorry.”

He will only project, deflect and gaslight you.

Pay attention, you probably missed it, it always starts with him saying: “I don’t wanna argue with you.” Call his bluff and say ok and don’t say a word. Watch how he will start saying shit because he DOES want to argue. He will not let it go.

Now if word salad didn’t work - a bigger gun will come out - shooting some guilt - and playing on your emotional side a bit. In hopes this too, can distract you and shift the blame on you for being so ungrateful and unappreciative after all he has done for you.

Lord-behold, you remind him of how he is repeating something you previously discussed and he agreed to do better.

Watch out for this statement too, it is a common one: “Why are you bringing up the past?”

Ofcourse they don’t want you talking about the past. But he will.

He will start hitting you with things YOU did in the past. But that’s okay, because it proves his point. But you can’t bring up the past. You gotta let the past be in the past. Even though HE is repeating the same bad behaviour.

But no, your Narcissistic husband will say: “Why do you create problems out of nothing?” He will talk over you, interrupt you while you are talking, raise his voice and then tell you to lower your voice when you are reacting to the madness.

And if that doesn’t work, things will get heated even more. The name calling may have already begun. A lot of insults will be shot your way.

Some belittling and devaluing will be thrown in there for fun. You will be made the villain - as always - and they are the victim. What’s new?

Watch out for the bazooka that will hit out of nowhere when the rage escalates to a point of no return. Anything can happen at this point.

Watch out for flying objects, maybe one of your favourite items will be broken and shattered on the ground. Ooops. In the heat of the moment (he didn’t know what he was doing - but it’s your fault because YOU pushed him to do this.)

Let’s hope it ends at yelling and flying objects. Because the next level is not pretty. And I’m going to stop here and let you imagine.

A typical day for you with the narcissist will most likely have what I just described in some part of the day. It could be the start of the day, middle or end. It doesn’t matter. But you will experience it.

Many times, your Narcissistic husband will be triggered by his refusal to see you happy. Let’s say you were laughing and enjoying a conversation with someone on the phone. He becomes so jealous and won’t let you stay in that happy place for long. He will do anything to ruin your mood. You can’t be happy unless it’s with him and because of him. Anything else. Not permitted.

Same goes when you come back home after visiting family or friends or even just came back from work. If you are in a good mood and you are expressing it. Count on this - the night will not end very well. Your good mood will be ruined. Your happiness will be sucked out. He will make sure of that.

You could be cooking in kitchen, cleaning the floor, folding the laundry. And if you are dancing to some music. He will interrupt you, try to destroy the calm and happy zone you are in as you do your chores. Because how dare you be happy - while he feels alone and miserable. He must bring you down to his misery. Because for the majority of his time. He is a miserable person, always finding something to complain about. It’s in his blood. He can’t help it. Notice how he will stare you down with those piercing eyes, leaving you to wonder - what is behind that look? You are almost too scared to find out.

He will accuse you of things you didn’t do - just because. Why not? He loves to do that. Stir the pot a bit and see what comes out of it. Maybe you react and then he is back in business, back to arguing and providing him with the narcissistic supply he lives for. It’s how he likes to pass his time. Live entertainment. It helps with getting over the boredom he constantly feels.

Let’s not forget to mention how he instigates problems and then blame you for it. Like how he will make decisions and don’t involve you. Or decides to leave the house all of a sudden to go “run an errand.” He is very secretive about where he goes and with whom. At times, will flip it around and accuse you for not trusting him because you must be doing something wrong. That’s why you are paranoid. He will place all the blame on you and make you the crazy one. Oh - yeah. And you are also exaggerating. It’s not true what you are saying, he only did it once before. Meanwhile it’s like five times a week this happens. But who is counting!

He will get upset when you make plans to go and do something for yourself. How dare you enjoy yourself. When are you going to make time to spend it with them? Meanwhile you are fighting about every little thing. Even the time away for you to breathe - you have to fight to get that too.

And they wonder why you don’t want to be around them. They wonder why you are not interested in sex. They wonder why you escape and leave the house. They wonder why you don’t spend time with them - cuddling and shit like that.

How? When someone is sucking the life out of you and draining your batteries until you are on empty, living on edge, walking on eggshells, and having to think how to get around not triggering them by saying the wrong word. How do you relax and have peace? How do you enjoy life? How do you have a good sleep at night? How do you have an appetite to eat? How do you focus on your work? How do you stay sane? How do you maintain healthy relationships with everyone else in your life? Who are you? What kind of life is this?

Now do you know what happens to you?

You lose yourself

You lose your focus

You lose your desires

You lose your zest for life

You lose your inner peace & happiness

You lose your connection with yourself

In some cases - if they succeed - you lose your family and friends

You lose your common sense

Your reasoning skills become questionable. So does your judgement

You process things under fight, flight or freeze mode.

You are tense most of the times

Life becomes unpredictable

You don’t feel stability

You don’t feel safe

You don’t feel love anymore

You live in fear more than anything

A lot of uncertainty

A lot of crying

The need to be alone

You want to go to bed and be alone even if you know you can’t fall asleep.

Escaping the bitter reality - that is your current life situation.

Sometimes, have a drink or two - to numb the pain

In some cases, take medication to relax you or even resort to recreational drugs

Depression will hit you - there is no escaping it

This is not a typical relationship at all. The break-up will be tougher than any other relationship you have ever known. This is a toxic and an abusive relationship with someone who is suffering from a personality disorder that may never heal, change or get better. Read about it more and educate yourself about Narcissism.

Your case is not going to have a different outcome. Your husband is a Narcissist. If he is doing these things and other things I have not mentioned here, he is truly a disturbed individual. He is mentally and emotionally unstable.

And please hear this, it is not your duty, job or destiny to fix him. Don’t act like a martyr.

It is your duty, however, to live life to the fullest – in happiness and peace.

It is your duty to take care of the life that God had blessed you with.

It is your duty to take good care of you, your needs and well-being.

Staying in a narcissistic relationship is not your fate. It was only a phase for reasons you will come to understand when you start your healing.

Get out … Get out now. But be careful and plan your moves with caution. Get support. Seek help. God bless you.