What can you CONTROL?
“You can control your actions but not the reactions to your actions." A simple yet profound statement made by a colleague of mine. It prompted me to reflect more deeply: What are we truly in control of in life?
This isn’t about controlling others like a spouse, parent, or friend trying to dictate another person’s behaviour. Those types of control struggles are real and common in life. They aren’t tied to any specific culture or belief system; rather, they are rooted in human nature. We all have an inherent desire to control our circumstances, and sometimes that need spirals into attempts to control the people around us, or so we think.
Since the desire for control is innate, we often move through life believing we can control everything. Yet, over time, life teaches us a harsh truth: we control far less than we imagine. We live under the illusion that carefully calculated actions will lead to predictable outcomes. Then one day, we wake up and realize that life doesn’t work that way. The dream fades, and reality sets in. We are not in control. In truth, we control nothing.
The only thing we ever truly control is ourselves—our thoughts, our words, and our actions.
We can choose how we respond to situations, decide whether to change certain behaviours, and make adjustments when needed. But no one can force us to change unless we want to. And while we have control over our choices, we have no control over how others will react. Their reactions are theirs alone. Trying to make others understand your perspective, your feelings, or your motivations is often a futile effort. No one can fully step into your shoes, no matter how much they might try.
The reality is simple: you can only control yourself, not the perceptions or emotions of others.
People’s understanding, or lack thereof, is entirely their own. The sooner you accept this, the less burdened you’ll feel. You’ll stop expending energy trying to justify your actions or explain yourself. The more you explain, the less people seem to understand, and the more criticism you invite. It becomes a cycle of stress and frustration.
So, let go. Release the need to control how others react to your life choices. Live as you wish. There will always be those who agree with you and those who don’t. Are you willing to keep changing yourself to fit others' expectations? How long can you sustain a life of constant self-modification just to gain approval, understanding, or acceptance from those around you? Ask yourself: isn’t this a battle you can never win?
It was never meant to be this way. You live your life for you; they live theirs for themselves. That’s all there is to it. So why complicate things unnecessarily?
