What makes a Man ‘A REAL MAN’

What makes a Man labelled as a ‘Real Man?’ And in no way is this a reference to each individual’s personal choice of identity. This is about Women’s perception of what qualifies as a ‘Real Man’ and likewise, Men’s perception of themselves. While I generalize here in this article, it is by no means making a claim that every single Man or Woman out there thinks or behaves in that manner.

Men has been brought up for generations believing in their superiority over Women. They have been taught since they were children that there is a difference between a boy and a girl. A boy will be allowed to do things, and the girl won’t. Certain beliefs will be instilled in the boy that will be carried on throughout his life that will eventually be demonstrated as being sexist. The culture in which the boy and the girl grow up, will have a direct impact on who they become as adults. The society they live in will also be a major factor. The parent’s education and method of raising the children also plays a major role.

Till this day, there are men out there who support, encourage and insist that a woman's main role is to be a housewife and raise the kids. She is to depend on her Man to provide everything. They believe also that it is appropriate practice to negate her needs and her rights as a human being. For some Men, to this day, the woman they marry is their possession. She is there to provide him with his needs. She has no say and cannot dare make any decision concerning the household. Other Men, they may involve their women in decision-making, they will allow them to work, they will give them some freedom, but in the end, will remind them that they can never be their EQUAL.

This misconception has been instilled in both Men and Women. Women in certain countries till this day, are being suppressed, held back from evolving, deprived of education or any opportunity that can provide the woman with any independence or success.

Times have changed and ever since the Revolution, Women have been fighting for their human rights firstly and secondly to gain their place in society, standing equal to Men, not less than. All Women ever wanted was to be respected and have equal opportunities as a human being. Nothing more, nothing less. It's unfortunate that some Men still exercise their need for superiority over Women and even more sad that some Women are falling victims to that.

A real man does not have to try hard to be one. He does not need to prove he is one and most definitely does not require to show dominance over another human being to be rewarded with ‘Manhood’. There is nothing to be proud of when a Man beats a Woman just so he can prove he is powerful. There is nothing a Man gains from keeping his woman a prisoner, that can’t leave the house without his permission, and a slave that only exists to fulfill his demands. If a Man is walking around bragging about how his woman is obeying his orders, that is one insecure, sick human being and can never be labelled as a ‘Real Man.’

In a more civilized society where the inequality is not to that extreme, there are still some myths that need to be identified. Women need to understand that these things do not automatically qualify someone as a ‘Real Man’:

-       Opening the car door for you

-       Buying you flowers and presents

-       Not letting you pay when you go out for dinner

-       Holds your hands when crossing the street

-       Paying your bills or supporting you financially someway

-       Proudly wearing a pink shirt

I am sure there are a few more examples that I can’t think of now. The point here, while these gestures are very nice, romantic, honourable and respectful, they are not the real measure of a Man.

There are Men out there who have done all the above-mentioned examples, and behind closed doors have insulted their Women, beat them, controlled them, disrespected them and treated them in the worst way possible.

To all the Women out there, please don’t allow yourself to be fooled by the Gentleman, the Charmer, the Seducer, the Hunk, the Spender, the Generous, The Romantic, The Super Confident, Man you meet.
You will know you have found the right Man to spend the rest of your life with and who truly deserves you when:

-      he holds you in his arms as you cry and he wipes your tears away

-      he loves you even when you are upset with him

-      he supports you when you are at your weakest

-      he lifts you up when you are down

-      he guides you when you are lost

-      he respects you in every situation, in public and behind closed doors

-      he is someone you can depend on if you need to, yet you have the freedom to be independent without guilt or shame

-      he encourages and supports your dreams

-      he disagrees with you yet respects you have your own opinion

-      he takes care of business when you are sick

-      he discusses things with you and cares to know your thoughts

-      he shares the load of the house alongside you

-      he treats you as his partner in every way

-      he backs up his words by his actions

-      he smiles as he watches you grow and become successful in anything you love to do

-      he plays an active role as a parent and doing so with all his heart

-      he helps you feel safe, you can finally relax and let everything go

-      he reveals to you his deepest fears and becomes vulnerable with you  

-      he shares with you his dreams and involves you in them

-      he trusts you and you trust him

-      he knows you have his back and so do you

-      he shows you how much he loves you and appreciates you every chance he gets and so do you

-      he plans a future with you keeping your needs a priority just as his 

These are the basics for any couple to have a healthy relationship. They are not impossible to achieve. And they are not something out of the ordinary. Indeed, no one is perfect. Every person needs to know their worth and never settle for less than what they deserve.

Conclusion, it is necessary for Women to be more attentive in their choice of Men. Not be fooled by the superficial indications of what a Real Man might look like. To fight for their right and for their place in society. To believe in their capabilities and never settle for less.

As for Men, it is time to confront the toxic patterns and unlearn the beliefs that have been passed on through the generations that only caused division and trauma. Men are capable of embracing the new paradigm with Women taking their rightful place in every possible dynamic. All it takes is a little effort, a little reflection and a little adjustment.