Do we SELF-SABOTAGE mindlessly?
A question that came to my mind one evening right after dinner. No idea where it came from. I thought let me explore my thoughts. So here I am, asking this question: do we self-sabotage without realizing it?
Firstly, to answer this question, I must elaborate on what it means by ‘sabotage.’ The actual definition from Oxford Languages “to deliberately destroy, damage, or obstruct something.” Another definition from Cambridge Dictionary “to intentionally prevent the success of a plan or action.”
The term self-sabotage is used to describe the individual inflicting the action onto themselves rather than being done to them. It’s one thing when someone is acting to harm you. It’s a whole other ball game when the person is harming themselves knowingly or unknowingly.
Let’s explore now how to become aware of our harmful or damaging behaviours along with some possible causes.
As humans, most of us are striving for success, chasing happiness, wealth and fulfillment, some of us are searching for meaning in our lives, or simply finding peace. We all go about ‘obtaining’ what we want or need in different ways. We don’t all want the same exact thing. There are several factors that influence who we become, the goals we aspire after, the methods we use to fulfill them and mostly our awareness of the whole process.
Many are living their lives on autopilot. They are not conscious of their actions or thoughts for that matter. While some are very analytical, planning and calculating their every move. Others are just living life as it comes without a care in the world, whatever happens; happens.
Out of those three possible scenarios, the analyzer and planner can be the most dangerous when it comes to self-sabotaging. Not that the other types are not. Especially, through their attitude and approach to life. However, in my personal opinion and observation, I find that those who overthink, complicate their lives and create drama unnecessarily. They tend to be in constant chase of something. They are rarely satisfied. And by satisfaction I mean contentment. In other words, lack of gratitude and awareness of one’s blessings.
In addition to a lack of gratitude, in some cases, there is the constant second-guessing and negative thinking that overpowers our minds. We become hostage to our never-ending questioning and negative thinking:
Am I doing the right thing?
Is this right for me?
Am I being selfish?
What will people think of me?
These things don’t happen to people like me
Who am I to dream of this?
Do I really want this?
What if it doesn’t work out?
Does he/she really love me?
What if I can’t be the person they want me to be?
I don’t know if I deserve this
It’s never going to work out
I should just accept this
What if I fall in love and then it ends?
I’m not capable of doing the work
No one cares about me
Some statements I’m sharing with you that resemble our inner dialogues. It doesn’t matter if you are male or female. It doesn’t matter your race or religion. People are asking themselves these questions. Or more like self-sabotaging.
Where do these thoughts come from? Fear mainly. Fear of being yourself. Fear of actually succeeding. Fear of failure. Fear of accomplishing your goals and feeling empty after. Fear of facing too many obstacles so better not to start. Fear of living in uncertainty. Fear of rejection. Fear of abandonment. Fear of finding happiness, success, love, wealth … you name it. Fear of having to lose something precious so you protect yourself by not having it from the start. It’s all coming from fear.
Then there is the story you have been conditioned to believe through cultural and societal conditioning. There is your unhealed trauma from childhood or experiences throughout life that causes you to have low self-esteem and confidence in your abilities. Your lack of self-worth and self-love. Your lack of setting boundaries because you were never taught that you have the right to say “No” and it’s ok. All of these conditionings have taught you to become doubtful, negative, feeling undeserving and above all sabotaging your own happiness and success.
How do you overcome this?
1. Being aware of your sabotaging patterns as they happen. Monitor your thoughts closely. Write them down if you need to and ‘ANALYZE’ if they are hurting you or helping you.
2. Replace sabotaging questions by asking yourself: “Is it true?” “Where did this thought come from?” “Where did I learn this?” “How do I really know this to be true for me?”
3. Follow your intuition more than your thoughts. Thoughts can be misleading. They are not all your own. They are influenced by your external world.
There are many ways you can overcome self-sabotaging behaviours. Find a method that works for you. I suggested a few. Perhaps they can help you on your journey of self-discovery and self-development. The most important part, don’t ever stop growing, learning and knowing yourself. Get in there. Go deep. Only you can. You will be amazed at how your life can change when you just stop for a moment and become aware.
All the best on your journeys. Much love.
