Am I important?
When was the last time you asked yourself this question, “Am I important?” It is not a matter of ‘If’ you ever asked it, it is a matter of when and how often you ask it. Reason being, it is human nature to want to feel important. You want to feel wanted and needed. You want to feel that your existence matters to those around you. In severe cases, you want to feel the world cannot be the same without you.
How far we take it and to what extent we obsess over the need to feel important varies from one individual to the next due to a plethora of factors. Regardless of the reasons that led to our obsession, we are the ones responsible for allowing ourselves to create whatever stories we tell ourselves. In turn, acting in ways as a result of those stories.
So often we hurt our own feelings by thinking we don’t mean much to certain people. We create a narrative in our minds that influences our behaviour as we seek attention. On the other hand, we may hurt ourselves thinking we mean more to people than we really do just because they mean that much to us.
Bottom line, we are consumed with a need to feel important, loved, appreciated, valued and needed. We may live our whole lives making decisions around those needs. We may lose ourselves in the process of securing this need. We may end up adopting unhealthy coping mechanisms as we become fixated on the narrative we created.
As with everything, taking things to the extreme will most likely hurt you. The best scenario is finding that balance, which requires a lot of self-reflection and honesty with oneself. It may also require you to educate yourself and actively seek personal growth and awareness. Without self-awareness, we live in chaos and cause unnecessary drama for ourselves and those around us.
When you live in a story where you feel no one cares about you, no one needs you, no one thinks you have something valuable to offer, you set out to correct this by acting out. With a belief of low self-worth and importance, you end up engaging in behaviours to counteract this feeling. The more you engage in those types of behaviours, the more people are turned off. The more you are convinced that you must indulge in acting out to prove that you are important. It becomes a vicious cycle.
Some of those unhealthy coping mechanisms include:
acting like they know it all,
always having an answer ready (even if it is not correct),
dominating a conversation,
putting others’ opinions down,
excessive praise about oneself and various skills,
belittling others’ actions or feelings,
offering to help others with the intention to impress,
knocking down others’ knowledge (even if they are the expert at a subject matter),
projecting negative traits on others,
portraying perfection and flawlessness,
meddling in other people’s business,
creating circumstances where others have to depend on them,
fabricating and exaggerating stories,
sabotaging others’ reputations and success
expecting special treatment,
anticipating others’ admiration and praise over every little thing,
victimizing oneself to excuse unacceptable behaviours,
always comparing themselves to others,
a stuck-up and arrogant attitude,
covering up, keeping secrets, pathological lying
You would be amazed how far someone would go to feel better about themselves, to eradicate their insecurities, feelings of inadequacy and unimportance. You would also be surprised to watch someone self-destruct just to feel loved and wanted. How damaged can you be to live in a delusional world where you end up believing, truly believing, that you are so important, people around you cannot function without you.
Indeed, we have all experienced some sort of Trauma in our lives. Whether it was from childhood or as grown-ups. The effect of Trauma on each individual will vary. Some can heal and confront what needs to be confronted. While others are unable to confront their demons and self-reflect, choosing a path of further pain and ultimately, self-sabotaging.
The feeling of self-importance comes from an egotistical, materialistic, shallow perspective. When we become consumed with fulfilling this need, we get caught up in our “SELF”and we seek acceptance, love, happiness and worthiness from outside of ourselves. Meanwhile, the real culprit is our inability to love and accept ourselves. It is our conditioned belief that we must fit in the society and culture we live in that causes some of us to go rogue.
Those who have found their way back to themselves will not engage in destructive patterns or be consumed with the approval of the external world. Those who do, however, will forever be in a circle of needing, wanting, expecting and looking for love and acceptance from others. This is because they are unable to extend those same things to themselves. All it takes is a shift in awareness.
Are you ready to make that shift? Are you ready to confront yourself? Are you ready to self-reflect? Are you ready to see that only you can Love and Accept YOU unconditionally? Are you ready to change your STORY? Are you ready to embark on a journey of self-discovery? Are you ready to change your life?
Perhaps you are. Maybe that’s why this article came your way. You know what you need to do now. Take the first step towards changing the trajectory of your life, right now! Whatever that might be for you. DO IT NOW.
