It’s not about the snake but the poison

“Imagine being bitten by a snake and instead of focusing on healing and recovering from the poison, you are consumed with finding the snake to explain why it hurt you and to prove that you didn’t deserve it. This isn’t about the snake 🐍” Posted by Rob Butler - source unknown

Inspired by this quote I would like to say what’s on my mind.

I get it. I know what it feels like when you have been treated like crap, to put it mildly. It’s unfathomable, unexplainable, inexcusable, and unforgivable. The lengths these people had gone to destroy you is something no mind can be wrapped around. When I recall the despicable things I was exposed to by the toxic people I encountered throughout my life, I seriously can’t believe it. The stories sound like they are right out of a movie script, not real-life events. Yet, they actually did take place, I endured, fought back and eventually healed, for the most part.

That’s why, when I say I understand what you feel. I mean it.

I have been there. I know all too well that feeling of wanting to know why.

Why did they hurt you like that?

Why did they pick you?

What benefit did they get from watching you cry, fall apart, and become unhinged?

Why did they push your buttons to react to their taunting and intimidation?

What kind of pleasure were they having as you became sick, depressed and lost everything?

What kind of sick person would do those things? You ask!

Yet, you think you will get closure from this same sick person. You think by sending messages or trying to get them to admit they wronged you, you will finally have some answers. You are delusional my dear. Yes. You are wasting your breath, time and energy. Time you will never get back. Time could be spent on healing your wounds. Energy you are taking away from focusing on what you need to rebuild and have a fresh start. When something is impossible, we say, don’t hold your breath. Because you will simply die if you hold it for a long time and deprive your brain of oxygen.

There is a reason why you hear people advising you not to waste your energy trying to find answers about what that sick person did to you. Get busy finding answers that are more likely attainable. Answers about the reason for tolerating the toxic behaviour. Or the reason behind attracting toxic partners over and over. Or the reason behind believing you were never good enough or deserved better. These types of questions are more worthy of your time and energy.

The more committed you are to healing, the deeper you are willing to dig, the more things will become clear and the better your life can become. This is the hope to live for. A better tomorrow. A tomorrow with clarity and awareness. A tomorrow with self-love, self-respect and self-worth. A tomorrow that does not include tolerating abuse, disrespect, devaluing or any kind of toxic treatment.

You deserve the best. You are enough. You are worthy. You do not need their apology. You don't need their explanations. They will be nothing but lies, projection and more manipulation anyway. The truth is within you. Closure is what you give to yourself by doing the inner work to heal and never allow another to mistreat you ever again. Take back your power.