When to choose SINGLE

Let’s talk about being single by choice. For those of you who once did make that choice or are making it now, you may be able to relate. For those who were forced to be single, you may also relate. Perhaps you don’t appreciate it or see the value in your circumstance. Now it’s time you do.

And for those who are choosing to be in any type of relationship, your choice is respected. Keep doing what makes you happy.

What if .. what makes you happy is to be single though? And no I am not addressing the non-single people. I am talking to you, the person who was made to believe that the only way to happiness is by being in a relationship of some sort. Get married and have kids and the whole shebang.

Maybe it is what you dreamed of all your life. Maybe it is what you truly want and nothing to do with society’s expectations or cultural demands. Maybe it has nothing to do with comparing your life to those around you and feeling like you are missing out on something precious. Maybe it is time to be honest with yourself and ask these questions:

Do I really want marriage?

Do I really want kids?

Do I really want a relationship now in this time of my life?

Why do I really want to be someone?

Do I really believe that my happiness is dependent on being in a relationship / marriage?

Are my dreams and desires my own, truly my own? Or are they influenced by what I have been taught all these years?

Is my religion a factor in my pursuit of marriage?

Are my parents the reason behind the dreams I built and the life I imagined for myself? Or is this truly the life I imagined for myself because it is what I want?

Am I a teeny weeny bit jealous of those who are in love or at least seem to be?

Do I want to be in a relationship because I am expected to have children to carry my name, legacy, business, or estate? Is that the real reason I want to get married? And will that make me truly happy?

Have I ever asked myself what is it? What is it that makes me happy? Truly happy?

Better yet, what is happiness? What does it really mean?

This is a self-inquiry process you are welcome to use when you are ready and need to. It can be applied to other topics as well. Here, I focused the attention on self-reflecting on the desire to be in a relationship, its origin, its intention, and down to questioning your understanding of happiness itself.

One of the first topics I wrote about in my personal blog, Livingoutmypurpose, was the topic of Happiness. I believe if I were to write about it now, it might be a little more intense. I have grown since. I experienced more of life which taught me a few extra lessons resulting in a few more revelations. I am resolute when I state that happiness is within each one of us.

Furthermore, it is not to be found or thought after through external means. This is not happiness. It is mere satisfaction that only lasts a short time. Happiness is not a goal. Happiness is a choice. Happiness is a state of being. Happiness is what you are and consequently emanates.

Happiness is not dependent on being single or in a relationship. You can choose to be happy in either dynamic. The question is: Are you happy with yourself? Are you happy you are YOU? Are you happy despite whatever is going on? Are you happy, therefore YOUR LIFE IS? Or are you under the belief that when your life is a particular way, then you are happy? Which one do you live by? Ask yourself.

Now on to the choice of being single, now that I covered that happiness is not a by-product of that choice, let’s move on to other reasons.

We choose to be single sometimes from an early age. Other times, after we have experienced being in several relationships, including marriage(s). Perhaps, we are turned off. Perhaps we lost trust. Perhaps we have been hurt so badly, that we vow to never allow another person to have this power over us to the point of being broken and shattered. Perhaps, we realized, we are at our best when we are focused solely on ourselves. Perhaps, it just feels right to be alone for a while and maybe when the time is right, you will open up to the idea.

Whichever your reason, motivation, or intention, they are all valid. They are all yours and only yours. You are not to be judged, questioned or ridiculed for what you want for yourself. Even if you change your mind shortly after. You have that right too. You are evolving, remember?

For some people, they can’t be alone. They need someone in their life at all times, even if they are with the wrong person. At times accepting an abusive relationship. All because of the fear of being alone. For those of you who heard yourself say: ‘I can’t be alone’ Ask yourself why is that. Where is this fear coming from? What can you recall from your past experience, even all thw way back to childhood when you made that decision to never be alone again? Dig. Ask. You will find it. You will know if you truly dig where the fear originated. And once you are aware, you have the choice to confront it or not. And once you confront it, you have the choice to overcome it or not, And once you overcome it, you have the choice to choose from a place of freedom instead of fear. 

What can I say? This type of inner work is intense and life-altering. It is for those who are ready to change their lives and move forward. You can read this, it may make sense to you in the moment, and even touch your heart. But if you don’t take action and start self-reflecting and committing to transforming, you will remain exactly where you are. And that’s fine too. Because now at least, the seed is planted. When you are ready, you will do what needs to be done.

For now, maybe you are happy where you are.

Maybe you just don’t want to open up a can of worms you can’t close back up.

Maybe you are afraid of what you might discover when you dig.

And maybe you are reading this just at the right time.

It’s time to do the inner work.

Reach out if you are ready to go on this journey. You know how to find me.