Creatively Chaotic

Today I want to talk to you about one of the aspects of living with a narcissist or witnessing a narcissist live their life.

I can boldly say narcissists in general create their own misery. They do this in various ways. They are actually very creative when it comes to creating chaos in their lives and the lives of those around them.

If you are involved with a narcissist whether it’s dating, some sort of a committed relationship, marriage or living together. You are surely going to be affected by their behavioural patterns and the way they treat you.

Whether the narcissistic individual is intentionally or unconsciously behaving in those destructive and abusive ways.

Being in a relationship with a narcissistic individual, spending time around them in some shape or form, or watching from afar, will most likely cause you a great deal of anxiety. And immensely, drain your energy.

Imagine watching them self-destruct and behave in sick ways. Imagine witnessing them disrespect, bully or insult people. Imagine being at the end of their rage and nasty words. Imagine observing dysfunctional methods of interacting with the world around them.

Imagine, if you’re living with them, day after day, hour after hour, minute by minute, you are being criticized, picked on, insulted, and then pretending those things never happened and you are imagining things. Imagine, having to make important decisions that affect both your lives.

Indeed, any decision or action they take, any word that comes out of their mouth will affect you even if it is not directly about you. They breathe, eat, drink and sleep in negativity.

Anxiety is not the only thing you will be experiencing. Your mental, physical, and emotional health is under attack. You are in survival mode. You detach. They sense your detachment. They notice your changed behaviour towards them. They know they are the reason but they will never admit it. Instead, find a way to always blame you. They are unhappy. And they wonder why they are so unlucky!

Let me share a few examples.

In one of my narcissistic relationships, I missed some red flags that I was dealing with a mentally unstable individual. I justified and excused the behaviour many times. Luckily, after intense studies and research, I was confronted with the scary reality that I got myself involved with an undiagnosed Narcissist.

Generally, such individuals suffer from an intense sense of entitlement. They do not follow any rules. As far as they are concerned, rules don’t apply to them. Rules are made for other people but not for them because they are special.

So this Ex Narc of mine didn’t follow most rules, especially Driving Rules. The main one was using the phone while driving. At first, I repeatedly expressed my concerns, asking him to focus on driving and to put the phone down for both our safety. When this didn’t work and my request was dismissed and disregarded, I started to firmly demand he stop using his phone while driving. To the point, I made it clear I would step out of the vehicle if this were to continue.

Of course, he wouldn’t listen, he would play it off or say ‘yeah yeah yeah’ or claim he is capable of multitasking, not like other people. The odd times he did put the phone down, he would place it on his lap. Now common sense says when you’re driving there’s movement. It is almost impossible that the phone will not move after a few minutes. Any lose object not properly secured will move with the abrupt movements of a moving vehicle, right?  Sure enough, that’s what happens, the phone eventually falls either to the side or by the gas pedal and of course, he’s going to reach for it while driving.

Meanwhile, he’s cursing, getting angry, at the phone, of course, expressing his frustration with the world and just plainly unexplainable temper tantrums.

Now, you wonder, is he mad at himself or is he really that dumb to expect the phone not to fall? All I know is that his behaviour is irrational and makes no sense whatsoever. Even crazier, he would pick up the phone and put it back on the lap again where it was, at times slamming the phone on his thighs as if to say “Stay right here don’t move.”

I don’t think this requires any further commenting on such behaviours and reactions. In addition, the disregard and disrespect to my feelings, concerns, and requests are indications to his inability to genuinely care about someone. Moreover, endangering the lives of those in the vehicle as well as himself. But that’s Narcissists. They don’t care about anyone.

Some other examples relating to driving and being on the road: the disregard to the speed limit and stop signs. Again, these rules don’t apply to him. It didn’t matter what the speed limit was, he always drove faster even in a school zone. Stop signs are usually rolled. Lane changing is abrupt and without signalling or warning. Complete sense of entitlement as if he owns the road. He is the only person who has to get somewhere, the only one who deserves to be on the move. Oh yeah, traffic is not for him, it’s for other people. Road rage is at its highest during rush hour. He is special. He is not supposed to be stuck in traffic like everybody else.

Lord behold, if someone were to cut him off, it almost feels like he’s about to intentionally slam into the cars around him either because someone didn’t give him way or drove too slow for his liking. Everyone must move to the side for the king to pass through because his time is more precious than anybody else.

This is a glimpse of what it’s like being with a Narcissistic Individual. There are a lot more examples to be shared. But for now, let’s end it here. I hope you now understand Narcissistic behaviour a little better. I hope you can relate to some of the things you experienced.

Perhaps you doubted yourself or thought you were crazy or exaggerating. No, you are not. You are dealing with a mentally unstable person. They need help. And it won’t happen through talking with them. It’s much more intense than you ever imagined. If it’s even possible for them to change themselves from the core.

My advice, take care of yourself. It’s not your responsibility or your destiny to help fix a damaged person. You are not their therapist.

If they are trying to convince you that it’s your duty to stick by them no matter what. If they are attempting to manipulate you to prove you meant it when you said: “I love you.”  I want you to remember the same thing about their ‘vow.’ Are they living up to their end of the agreement with the way they speak to you and the way they treat you? What happened to all the promises of a happy life together?

Reach out if you feel you need assistance and are ready to embark on a journey of healing from toxic, abusive and narcissistic relationships.