TRUST

A mistake repeated more than once is a choice - Paolo Cohelo

The thing about Trust is that we take it for granted in our day to day lives. We don’t realize how much faith and trust we are putting into people in general. We put our trust into Employers, the Medical System, the Financial System, our Prime Ministers, Presidents, Kings and Queens, Sultans, Religious Institutions, the Products we eat and drink that we believe is safe for us to ingest into our bodies daily, the medication we depend on to cure us that we believe has been tested and proven to make us feel better - not worse, the vaxxs that we believe are safe and will prevent us from death. Perhaps there are more examples, but let me leave it at those.

It began like this: we were born - then we learn to trust those who gave us care. We depended on our care givers for survival. They taught us the basics of what we needed to grow. They helped and supported us along our journey. From our parents, to our teachers, to our coaches in sports or extracurricular activities. To our professors in university or college. To any mentor or teacher you chose along your journey to listen to their material or read their writings. Come to think of it, our whole life is built on trust. Right up there with love. Love and trust go hand in hand.

The examples I mentioned above are all things we take for granted. At times we get proven that we have placed our trust wrongly. The way we discover this usually is after the truth surfaces or after some catastrophe or people got hurt. The damage has to occur for the doubt to kick in and for mistrust to happen.

When it comes to these large institutions, governing bodies and world wide systems that run the planet, there is not much one simple person can do to change them. It needs a collective effort to fight corruption and stop the injustice. It’s not impossible but it’s not easy.

On a much smaller and more personal scale, there is the one-to-one interaction between humans. The general public let’s call it. As humans, our life is based on our relationships with everyone around us. One of the main components of any relationship is trust. And trust is based on being honest and truthful.

Poke a hole into that equation and the whole formula tumbles. Whether it’s hiding the truth, not telling the whole truth, intentionally lying and fabricating another story, or completely changing the truth, the end result is the same. Trust is broken.

How can you trust someone after you find out they lied to you on purpose. How can you trust someone after you find out they have been keeping secrets from you. How can you forgive someone and trust them again when you have already been poisoned by their venom. How can you be sure it won’t happen again. How can you know that anything they say after is not a lie too.

You don’t. Once a lie has been caught or a secret uncovered, there will always be the doubt in the back of your head. You may try to believe what they say. You may try to rationalize and follow evidence that proves they are telling the truth this time. But the damage is already done.

Personally, I know that when you are lied to and you discover it, the relationship is never the same. No matter how much they try. And no matter how forgiving and loving you are. There is a difference between being naive and being forgiving.

Being naive is trusting right after you discover you have been lied to. That’s not having a good heart. Sorry to say but that’s being silly. I’m choosing my words here so I don’t offend anyone. But it’s truly how I feel.

Being forgiving, loving, merciful and all those great qualities that I hope and wish humanity would all possess, are not necessarily based on you allowing yourself to be fooled again by the same person who wronged you from the first place. You can forgive, but you draw the line where that same person cannot cross. You have already given them your trust once. And they proved you, that trust was not deserved. They failed at preserving your trust. They failed for respecting you. Essentially lying is a direct message of disrespect. No one that respects another will look right at their face and lie. A person that does not respect another, does not have self-respect either.

You see, it’s all related. It all ties back together in the end and it travels a full circle and comes back to the individual him/herself. This raises the question of why people lie. Why people risk the possibility of losing someone’s trust and perhaps the relationship all together.

Well, it’s silly, I am telling you. People have learned to fear. And you would be amazed how fear cripples your thinking and influences you to do crazy things. Then there is selfishness. People have learned that they can do whatever pleases them or whatever their needs at the moment are, and if no one knows about it or in some cases if a particular person does not find out, then it will all be okay and nobody will get hurt. So people learned to justify to themselves their behaviour.

Then you have those who are greedy and hungry for power or money or both, they will stop at nothing in order to get what they set their mind to. Those are the ones who have lost their conscious long ago and have no morals or remorse for any harm they inflict on others. They are willing to have people killed so that they would get richer and powerful. That’s the extreme. That’s actually pure evil. And these are the same people, you and I trusted once upon a time. Until the veil is lifted and we get to uncover the truth. But by then, the damage has already taken place.

As for the specific example of romantic relationships where cheating is involved, that one we experience on a regular basis. It’s almost become the new norm. When you hear this person cheated on that person, it doesn’t phase you. You shrug your shoulders and it’s like - oh well, another one. That’s how common it has become.

Meanwhile, someone’s heart has been broken. A relationship that once upon a time existed based on trust is no more. Even if they try to repair. Even if the cheater is sorry. Even if the cheated person is willing to forgive and give another chance. It will never be the same again.

It’s like a porcelain vase that falls and breaks into pieces. You may glue all the shattered pieces together and recreate the vase. But it will never look like the way it did before it was broken. Yes it will have its own beauty and yes it may hold and stay glued together. Maybe forever and maybe for just a little while. Regardless, that vase is full of tiny lines that is visible to the eyes, where the pieces are held together. One day, just like that, it may fall apart and shatter to pieces again. Or one day you may be fed up of looking at the broken lines and decide to throw it away once and for all.

That’s what our relationships are like. The wounds we carry with us, are always there. Even if we find a way to reconnect. The damage from the past will always be there. Forgiven maybe, but not erased. Wounds like these, can never be erased. We choose to hold on to them sometimes and in those cases, we torture ourselves by the constant reminder. We can never find peace or happiness if that’s the route we take. We can convince ourselves that we have let it go and act as if nothing happened. But deep down we are dying a slow death, because instead of confronting, we are suppressing. Believing that we are doing what’s best for everyone and for the situation. But not for oneself. Definitely not for oneself.

You see, there are many reasons why people lie, keep secrets, cheat, inflict harm, whatever it may be, and in return, there are many ways we handle those findings. Some are dealt with in healthy ways and some not so healthy ways.

The bottom line here, is to be aware the role of Trust in our lives and never take it for granted. It’s not just a word we learned in school and repeat it without understanding its meaning and its depth in our existence.

People are going to continue to lie, be secretive, take advantage, cheat you in many ways, use you, attempt to harm you … and so on. Unfortunately, the evil exists along with the good. Humanity cannot escape this reality. Never could since the beginning of mankind.

We learn, and I say this to myself as much as I say this to you, my readers, that Trust is so precious. And please allow me to share my own thoughts and feelings and where I stand currently.

My trust that I give to others in my life is a privilege. I don’t take it lightly. I deserve to be respected. I deserve to be told the truth. I deserve not to be taken for a fool. I deserve to be treated the same way I’m treating you. I reject being taken for a ride because you thought you could get away with it. Or because you thought I am too nice and I will just forgive you. Think again. I’ve been burned too many times. And that’s why I’m firm like this. Now. The cost was pretty hefty and I paid it already. I’m not willing to pay anymore. Enough is enough. You lie to me once. You are out. Never mind the third strike rule. And that’s not being bitter or acting out of being hurt. That’s me acting out of self-love, self- respect and self-worth. If you don’t know how to love me, respect me and value my worth, here is the door. And never come back. Because I don’t have time to waste. I got a life to live with honesty and integrity.