The Other Woman
What does it mean by being 'the other woman'? Bluntly speaking, it means a woman have put herself in a position in which she is not her man's first choice. She is an option. She is secondary to another woman. She came into a man's life while he is tied with someone else and in some cases, with OTHERS. Why does she accept this kind of relationship? Why did she get involved to begin with? What is the driving force that makes a woman fall in love with a married man; perhaps with kids too? What good could possibly come out of such an entanglement?
Becoming romantically and sexually involved with a man who carries on lying and fooling the woman in his life is just the thing that needs to be avoided. A man who does not end a relationship first before starting a new one, is proving he cannot be trusted. It proves selfishness, disrespect and dishonesty. It does not matter whether the relationship is a marriage, engagement or dating. The question to you, the other woman, why do you sell yourself short? Why are you putting yourself through this pain? On the other hand, my question to you, the man with a wife, fiancé, or girlfriend, why do you allow yourself to get involved with someone else when you are carrying on another life all together? Do you ever stop and think about the consequences for all involved?
I have known women that have been the first choice, they find out their man is seeing someone else and somehow continue the relationship, accepting being cheated on and humiliated. They justify to themselves or I should say they convince themselves that they should stick it out. Either they think the man will one day change, which we all know it does not happen, or they say I'm staying because of my image, or because there are kids in the mix, and the best one I have heard, not to let the second woman win.
It is not a laughing matter but I am laughing. Seriously, there is no one winning in this predicament. Everyone is losing. You are losing yourself in the process. You are losing your self-worth, dignity, and pride as a person. You are admitting indirectly that you have no worth. How do you expect others to respect you and treat you right when you do not make that choice for yourself?
Have you asked yourself, “what am I doing?” when you accept or allow your man to continue being with other women. You deserve better than that and you know it. Stop with the excuse of why you should not stand up for what you want. If he leaves you because you say NO, then it is not you who lost. On the contrary, you have won the biggest battle of your life. You know what you are worth and those who do not see it, do not deserve to be with you. Everything else can be resolved. You can always find a way to live even if you have children. You just need to take the first step. Overcome the fear and stand up for your right.
And now I speak to you, the second woman. Maybe you knew that this man was 'taken' when you first got involved and maybe you were deceived. The point here, from the moment you found out he has another woman in his life, why did you continue? Were you hoping he would leave her to be with you? If he is carrying on an affair with you but goes home to her, what makes you think he will ever leave her? And why would you want to break them up anyway, for your own gain? Even if you love each other and the connection between you is indescribable and the chemistry between you is one of a kind and he is the only one that made you happy. Even with all that, he is still not yours. He is not a possession anyways for you to think like that. No one is a possession.
And what about the innocent children if there is any ... what about them? And what about the 'first woman'? Did you ever think about her? Even if he comes and tells you stories about how evil she may be or how they do not get along anymore or how he is miserable with her and that life with her is impossible. Why is he staying?
A man having marital problems or relationship issues with his finance or girlfriend, what does it have to do with you? That is their problems to work out or to end it, not yours. Let them figure out what they want to do with their lives. If he is afraid to take the step or if he is under pressure from family or if he is torn, that is his life, his relationship, his decision. You do not need to hold his hand or provide him with 'what he's missing'. You do not need to 'complete' him. You do not need to be a Martyr let’s say. You were not put on this earth to be the side kick or to be the relief choice.
Perhaps you are afraid you won't find another love like this, another chemistry, another happiness ... You are wrong. Because what you have there is not real to begin with. If he was supposed to be yours like you are thinking. He wouldn't be with another woman. If your love was so special. You wouldn't have to fight to have it, beg for it, or wait for it. Wake up and smell the coffee, you are just the other woman and you will continue to be until either he pulls the plug or you stand up and realize you are not his first choice. Sorry to tell you, he never had the intention of leaving his woman to begin with. You were just a toy he played with for a while. He told you all the things you needed to hear, all the things that made you melt, and he got you on under his spell.
Wake up I tell you. Stop this madness. I know it is tough especially when the heart is involved. But you can break away from this. You can walk away and you will be the winner in the end. Save yourself and believe in your self-worth. You deserve to be someone’s first choice. You will find love again and you will be happy. Just give yourself the chance to heal and let go of all the insecurities you are battling. You are a SPECIAL woman. Treat yourself like one.
