Why Don’t We

A love story starts all rosy and romantic. Then it becomes hot and steamy. You build something so beautiful; a combination of sensuality, intimacy and connection. You fall in love. You are in total bliss, all dreamy, smiley and at times giggly. You live the ‘honeymoon’ stage as they say. These are the best moments you live with the person you love. It may have happened all too fast, or it may have taken its time, nonetheless, you lived each moment and you loved it. Fast forward and there you are with the person you love and things are not the same anymore. Why don’t we feel those same feelings we once felt? Why don’t we do the things we once did? Why don’t we know what to do about it??

This is the million dollar question: why don’t we?  What stops us from taking action. What blinds us from seeing the signs of things going downhill? Why do we only notice when things have gotten really bad? It’s not like we are not aware. We can see things are changing and not the same anymore, but it’s like we just watch as a spectator, as our life unfolds and take different turns. One day we may reach a point of no return and walk away from it all. 

That day may come all of a sudden when you reach your breaking point, or it may be a process that you think through and prepare yourself for. And when you do take action, it might be a total shock for your partner because they weren’t as prepared as you were. It wasn’t their decision, you are forcing it on them. Even though they were aware that things aren’t the greatest and that something needs to change. But they didn’t reach to the conclusion of leaving, you did. And this is when things could get ugly. 

Another million dollar question why did you both let things get to this point? That’s when more questions arise. Did you just get comfortable? Were you waiting for your partner to change? Did you look around and saw that you are not the only one experiencing this, then it must be the new norm? Is it fear that holds you back from discussing things with your partner? Is it love that blinds you, to the point you accept things for what they are, fight about it or argue, then go back to settling for less. Or perhaps you didn’t pay attention to all the signs from the beginning that said: ‘this is not exactly what I wanted.’  Maybe you got tired from getting in and out of relationships. Maybe you were lonely for the longest time. Maybe you thought you found the person you been searching for all your life. So you fell hard in love, you closed your eyes and refused to see the things that you didn’t like, and you continued in this path anyways. By now you had invested a lot of time and emotions in this relationship, so you must see it through. 

Isn’t that what some of us tend to do?  Isn’t it an actual fact that we compare our relationships to our friends and people out there? And we end up following what everybody else does. If everyone is getting married, then let’s get married. If everyone is living common law, then let’s just live together. If everyone is having children, why not us. If everyone is having pets instead of children, then maybe we should do that too. While we are at it, let’s buy a big house and get stuck in payments for the rest of our lives. We hate our jobs but we have to do it, we don’t have a choice; we have a family to take care of and responsibilities to fulfill. We can’t afford to change jobs to be happier. We can’t even think about ourselves because that would be selfish. We don’t dare to dream because what’s the point, it’s not realistic. We are not happy with our lives but we must continue. Everybody else is in the same boat; so let’s all be miserable together. 

Is this too harsh? Am I painting an ugly picture? Yes I am. I am also presenting the truth of today’s world. This is a reality, not a fiction of my imagination. I lived parts of this life personally. But I did get out of it. My eyes were opened. And I saw right through all of this and decided to be different. Even if I’m being judged and ridiculed. I would rather that over being unhappy and lost in this world. I would rather be alone than settle with someone that doesn’t fulfill me. I would rather not own a thing in my name, than being a slave for the money, working in a job I hate, living to pay the bills, living a lifestyle that doesn’t nourish my soul. I would rather take my time and let life show me the way to true fulfillment, than rush things, accept things and settle for less than I deserve. 

So my question to you now, is why don’t you love yourself a little more? Why don’t you take care of yourself? Who are you expecting to come and save you if you don’t do it yourself? What are you waiting for? What is holding you back? What are you scared of? Can it get any worse than being unfulfilled, unhappy, unloved, unappreciated, and most importantly unseen. 

See yourself; it’s time. Stand up for yourself; it’s time. Take action, it’s time. For God’s sake, Love yourself; don’t you think it’s about time. It is not selfish to love and take care of yourself. Don’t buy into this garbage that has been brainwashing you. It’s simple. When you take care of yourself; you will be able to take care of others. When you love yourself, others will have no choice but to love you in the same manner. You will emanate the peace, love and happiness that resides within you; thus attracting people and events to match those things. Your life will change. Things around you will change. All you have to do is take the first step.